Difference Between
by BabyJane14
Summary: There's always an element of what if attached to the things you do. Sometimes that element holds onto something stronger than the rest and makes you wonder if you really made the right decision or if you're lying to yourself.


**Manda's Note**: It's summer time, my muse is our of control. So updates on pretty much everything will be coming your way! tell me what you think. **Enjoy**!

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><p>On the first Halloween she feels good about it, she sure as hell wouldn't of been able to slip into the tight fitting cop costume she has on. They wouldn't have been able to throw back shots at Ren Peter's house and she would have been absolutely inconsolably miserable. She can't even imagine being the size of a house. Four months would still have been too much. As he sucks tequila from the crook of her neck and trails his tongue down the valley between her half plastic boobs and the rest of the USC cheerleading bitches watch on she smirks to herself. She knows she's hot and she also knows that they all want to be her. This was what she was meant to be doing. Not housing something that she didn't even know if she ever wanted. She doesn't need something like that to keep his attention on her and only her. She knows what she did was right.<p>

Yet, for some reason she and he both pause for a moment before he goes to suck the next bit of tequila off of her body. His mouth covers her belly button for a moment needing the liquor just like he needs her as his drug. To anyone watching next move of kissing the space between her low cut jeans and her belly button looks like him trying to get into her pants. They're the only two who know what it really means. The only two that know he's saying he remembers, saying that part of him just can't let it go. That's the moment part of her actually feels what she's done, the decision she's made., one that she'd done without considering in order to protect herself. She stuck in her thoughts she hardly responds as his tongue trails a path to her mouth that would normally leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. Her mind is winding a million miles a minute and her actions are the only thing she can think of.

"Breathe Santana"

He whispers and she does what he says, letting go of a deep breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. She does a lot of things now a days without thinking about them. He kisses her then, a mixture of her cinnamon body wash and the distinct taste of liquor on his lips. She's used to her body being on his lips. She deepens the kiss showing a little bit of desperation to make him understand that he needs to make her not think now. He needs to remind her who they are. His tongue slips past her perfect lips and they tangle for a moment playing a fight for dominance. She can feel the eyes of everyone around them on them and she smirks when he finally pulls back and almost no one is sitting and watching their show anymore. Just the perv in the corner listening to spread some gossip on how they did it on the middle of Ren Peter's dining room table, in a way college has become just like high school. In some ways it was so much worse than high school.

The next kiss he presses to her lips holds all of the flavor of the last but none of the bite or excitement. It's much tamer than it had been. He's leaning over her now, a hand on the side of her head trapping her down in place. Her eyes are closed as their kisses turn lazy he's trying to get her breathing back to a normal rate, she doesn't have to talk to communicate that there's a rock blocking her throat. Why had she decided to volunteer herself for the body shots? they hadn't …his lips hadn't …she hadn't been ready for the places his lips had landed. She wasn't ready for the thoughts that had crossed her mind the moment he met her body.

"Come on Tink, let's get out of here"

He whispered pulling his lips from hers and reaching for her hand He knew better than she did that the only way she'd be alright with the events that were taking place was if he got her out of there now before she broke. The moment she'd hopped down off of the table he pulled her to his chest, hands slipping down her body to rest on her lower back as she put her head on his chest and looked up at him, her eyes silently pleading to make her stop thinking about it. If only he had that option he would have. Her pain was the same as his. She wasn't the only one who wondered day after day if she'd decided the right thing for them.

Leading her out into the cool October air, his hand never leaving her death grip he pulled her in front of him instead, his hands on her lower hips. Anything to try and get her to resume breathing normally again. Anything to get the thoughts wiped from her mind even if it was only for a moment. She leaned her head back into him as he led her down to the rocks near the cove of the beach. That was the nice thing about being in California for school, the location of the water near most of their friends apartments was perfect. The sound of the rushing waves needed as a form of relaxation. He pulled her through the sandy lot to the cold stone, pulling her down beside him, which she did right away, her body molding its self to his. In her mind she could still feel his lips pressed under her belly button, just like the day she tried so hard to block out of her mind. The day she'd disappointed him more than she cared to ever admit that she had. More than he'd ever truly blame her out loud for, in her mind she knew it was her fault they were sitting outside on the rocks rather than inside enjoying the party, a reason she was pretty sure she'd always regret.

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><p><em>"Can you for five seconds act like an adult about this?"<em>

As the comment left his mouth she slammed out the door of the apartment. It might have been pouring rain but she didn't care. The rain had always been comforting anyway. Besides, anything would be comfortable that wasn't standing in the same room as him. Just the thought of him made her narrow her eyes in a glare. Why was she even so mad at him anyway? Because that stupid bitch he'd been talking to in class so obviously wanted to get into his pants that it irked her. She knew that look that Ren had been giving him. She gave him that look. She sure as hell was not going to watch someone else give him that very same look. Her nose crinkled in anger. He was telling her to grow up when he'd been the own practically eating out of Ren's palm.

"Yea ok I do like it when you're …wet, but this really isn't the way to get that way."

God damn it, why did he always have to make her smile when she was mad at him. Maybe it was because she really did love him more than she cared to admit to anyone. More so than that now he had her standing there with her arms crossed, back to him, and a smirk on her face. This whole keeping up the façade of being aggravated wasn't going to work. It failed even more when he walked forward and slipped his arms around her waist pulling her back into his chest, his lips working on the side of her bare neck as his hands slipped under her shirt.

"You know that I wouldn't sleep with her. Why would I want to sleep with her when I have you?"

His hands fiddled with the front clasp of her blue bra, something he was an expert with. The clip came undone and she could feel the white material of her shirt cling to her chest in the spaces his hands couldn't cover. So he was a bit of a perv, she couldn't complain. Instead, the moment his grasp on her chest loosened she turned around to face him. His lips covered hers right away just like she'd expected them to. The moment she felt the blue material that had been in his hand slip down and hit the sand beside her foot she knew that there'd be no going back now. Why hadn't she seen this one coming when they'd started to fight?

Hands had dropped to the top of her jean skirt , pulling the zipper down and pulling the button apart while their kisses became more heated. If and when the neighbors complained it wouldn't be the first time, they were always getting impromptu shows. His lips moved from her own to her neck, leaving marks here and there and making her knees feel like they wanted to give out. He always had that affect on her, the whole making her want more thing.

"Still think I want her?"

With a teasing voice he backed her up in the pouring rain till was stepping out of her skirt and leaning back against the apartment door. The rain dripping down and splashing against the two of them should have made them turn around and go back in the house to finish their escapades but they were both to far gone into their actions to notice the simple drops of rain coming down. her hands were slipping and pulling at the bottom of his grey shirt before he took a step back from her, pulling the dark grey shirt over his head and letting it drop to the ground. they were fifteen feet away from where her bra and laid being pounded by water in the sand. There they went, tracking clothes around the yard.

"I think you want to shut up and concentrate on what you should be doing right now."

A smirk on her face as she dragged down and zipper on his jeans and found no surprise at the lack of fabric there. Well, this was just a typical afternoon for the two when they lacked afternoon classes. The kisses were heated as the rain dripped down. Santana was pinned against the wall in back of her, her every thought already long gone from the coherent track. If only she actually remembered at the time that she was being treated for strep. That the medication they had her on interfered with her birth control they might have made it into the house to remember items that they normally didn't use. Instead , taken in the heat of the moment no one stopped to consider the consequences of what could have been.

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><p>The sun was coming up finally over the still and sandy beach. Puck had hardly closed his eyes, instead, he'd sat there listening to the sound of the waves lost in his own thoughts. The girl in his arms finally in some sort of sleep. The fresh air not doing anything to hold back her sleep talking. Why had he let her do what she wanted? Why hadn't he been tougher? Put his foot down and bribed her not to go through with it? Why had they gone through with it? He couldn't not blame himself; he'd agreed to it, he'd driven her. For what? So they could enjoy their years of college? So that they could make something for themselves rather than being stuck in dead end jobs? Why couldn't he just keep that in mind rather than having to remind himself every time he thought about it. It had to have something to do with the guilt that was in her eyes every time chocolate brown looked into deep hazel. The 'what if' questions that he had every time he looked at her and every time she looked in a mirror. This was normal though …wasn't it?<p> 


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